Why Military Religious Freedom Is In Big Trouble
WARNING! Sarcasm ahead.
Military religious freedom is being threatened by a book. In the drawer of hotel room at an undisclosed military installation, something sinister lurks in the darkness under a film of dust. This abomination, frequently referenced by Dominionist fundamentalist Christian supremacy religious extremist predators, has been placed in countless hotel rooms on hundreds of military bases and is violating the rights of service members.
This unconscionable artifact, which stands in blatant violation of the magnificent Establishment Clause of our beloved Constitution, lay deceptively dormant in dresser drawers waiting to be referenced by hate-filled militant crusaders on the barbaric Religious Right in times of need. This voluminous collection of biased and slanted text is placed in each drawer by an organization with an unmatched reputation for advertising their product and thereby threatening military religious freedom.
Monstrous, coercive commanders direct their subordinates to this book when they’re looking for something more and need help, and the tormented soldiers, sailors, airmen, and Marines, have no choice but to accept the radical personal violation of their military religious freedom forced upon them by their abusive prosyletizing warrior activist bigoted seniors. This cancerous witnessing by coercive spiritual terrorists in positions of power has a unified message of intolerance and is nothing short of spiritual rape: call upon these names and all your questions will be answered. What an incredible violation of military religious freedom.
It’s perfectly obvious which book I’m talking about. It’s a wonder it has remained on military bases for this long. The military must remain neutral on all things religious, all the way, all the time, all the deal.
All the deal? Whatever.
The existence of anything have anything having to do with anything religious must not–legally cannot–be allowed to exist in temporary lodging facility rooms on a military installation, base Chapel premises, the possession of military service members on or off base, or in the mind of any person who is currently or has ever been a member of the armed forces.
Or knows someone like that.
We must be unified to protect our precious service members’ military religious freedom from the unrelenting Bible-thumping orders-violating liberty-crushing hate-mongers who refuse to remove this un-neutral religious text from our Constitutionally mandated secular military facilities.
This text must be removed.
How long will these phone books be allowed to violate the Constitution?
There’s an entire section on churches in there. My fellow Americans, this is an outrage. The existence of a church, a Christian church–a religious organization–listed in these phonebooks constitutes government endorsement of Christianity. Where’s the endorsement of all the non-churches? Friends, that is not neutral. That’s bigoted fundamentalist Dominionist Christian supremacy terrorism. And it’s hurting your service members.
I represent ten people who are outraged and emotionally traumatized by the continued existence of this defiant religious evangelism. But with your help, we can beat it.
Let’s get some signatures or something. Then we can tell someone about this important issue affecting our troops. This is my war. Hear me roar.
Those other wars can wait.
The above post is riduculous, but others are writing columns with a similar tone in earnest. Pray these activist hearts would be softened and their eyes would be opened to the goodness which comes from the other book in the dresser drawer.
About Jason B. Ladd
Jason is an author, speaker, Marine, and father of seven. He has flown the F/A-18 Hornet as a Marine Aviation Weapons and Tactics Squadron 1 (MAWTS-1) Instructor Pilot and the F-16 as an Instructor Pilot. His award-winning book One of the Few: A Marine Fighter Pilot’s Reconnaissance of the Christian Worldview has been optioned for film adaptation. He is represented by Julie Gwinn of The Seymour Agency.