Jason B. Ladd

Ask the Questions. Embrace the Answers. Make the Leap.

A Test of Faith: Saying Goodbye to Boone

test of faith saying goodbye to boone

When I began this blog, I decided to focus on topics related to leadership, parenthood, and worldview development. My wife and I are currently experiencing our biggest parenting challenge yet. If you’ve ever had to say goodbye to a loved one, you will understand. Somewhat.

I say somewhat because our situation brought us challenges we never thought we’d face, and raised question we didn’t know existed. The decisions we’ve had to make are uncommon, shared by a relative handful of families, each situation having its own nuance and outcome. Over the past month, we became members of a new club fully against our will.

We lost our child.

Boone

We were expecting Boone Shepherd Ladd on June 15th. He was our sixth child and could not have had a more excited family waiting for him to arrive. Boone had a condition called Trisomy 18, or Edwards syndrome. It is a difficult diagnosis.

Karry became critically ill with severe preeclampsia, and Boone was born in the early morning of April 16th, 2015. Boone was beautiful, and he spent 58 minutes with us before his spirit went to be with Lord.

From the day we learned of Boone’s condition, I started writing. For myself, for sure, but for others as well. And I think we’ll share it. But not now. Not yet.

As for my faith? It is not shaken.

I’m not asking why. I know why. We live in a broken world, a fallen world. Bad things happen to good people, and people leave us before we are ready.

But I also know that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purposes.

I can’t be like David. I can’t just get up, change my clothes, and eat (2 Samuel, Chapter 12). Maybe my faith just isn’t as strong or complete as his. But eventually I will get up. Eventually, I will change my clothes. And eventually, I will eat.

I will go to Boone, but he will not return to me. That will be hard. But we have been blessed beyond measure, and we are already rich beyond our wildest dreams.

And we are thankful for the blessing of Boone.

About Jason B. Ladd

Jason is an author, speaker, Marine, and father of seven. He has flown the F/A-18 Hornet as a Marine Aviation Weapons and Tactics Squadron 1 (MAWTS-1) Instructor Pilot and the F-16 as an Instructor Pilot. His award-winning book One of the Few: A Marine Fighter Pilot’s Reconnaissance of the Christian Worldview has been optioned for film adaptation. He is represented by Julie Gwinn of The Seymour Agency.

34 Replies

  1. Imelda

    Our condolences to you and your family. May God console you during this difficult moment. I pray for your wife’s speedy recovery as well.

  2. Elaine

    Jason, my sincere and heartfelt condolences on the loss of Boone. My heart goes out to you and your family. Praise God who will reunite you with him sometime in the future when He calls you home. Praying for you all to have the strength to come through this sorrowful time.

  3. Dennis

    Words cannot express our sadness for your loss and our encouragement with your faith. Our prayers are with you and your family, and certainly for a quick recovery for your wife.

  4. Kelsie Engen

    I am so, so sorry for your loss. I know there is nothing to be said, but know that you are being lifted up in prayer.
    ~Kelsie
    @kelsieengen

  5. Lee

    Jason – I’m thankful for sweet little Boone too — and for your steadfastness. Sometimes it’s hard to understand that God is always good…but His ways are higher than ours, and for that I’m grateful.

  6. Vanessa Tyler

    Wrapping you and your family in prayers.

  7. wildninja

    What a beautiful boy. I’m so sorry for your loss. Know that your faith is encouraging and your perseverance is inspiring. Your well-founded confidence that you will see your son again will reach and comfort many others.

    Thank you for being a light to the world even in this very dark time. That is true faith. Know that you and yours are being lifted up to Him. I look forward to reading your other posts when you’re ready.

  8. Bless you, Jason for sharing your sorrow and your faith. God will comfort. You both continue to be in my prayers.

  9. Michael

    Thank you, Jason, for sharing this sad story. I am glad that you are maintaining the proper attitude and that your faith isn’t shaken. I will continue to pray for you and your family as you deal with this loss.

  10. Dr. Debbie Engelmann

    There is such a fine line between joy and loss. I share your loss – and I now understand why you liked my “Letting Go” post sharing Mary Oliver’s poem. Blessings and healing to you and your family.

  11. Daniella Joe

    my heart goes out to you and your family ….prayers going your way…

  12. Sam Hall

    Jason, my brother. You have been called to bear a burden none of us like to think about. I pray for you and Karry; for her recovery, too.
    When you can, perhaps Joe Baylie’s “The Last Thing We Talk About” will strengthen you in the hard days to come.

    1. Thanks, Sam. Will look it up

  13. Lilka Raphael

    So sorry to hear of your loss. Praying God’s peace and comfort for you and your family.

  14. Thank you for sharing your faith and your daughter’s story

  15. Ten days have passed since your beautiful baby, Boone, went to live with his heavenly father who created him. My heart hurts for the human emotions you’re feeling, but there is joy because your faith will reunite you and Karry with him when the time is right. It’s your faith that allows you to see this loss as a result of living in a fallen world. That same faith will allow you to live in a palace for eternity.

    1. Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers

  16. Marine Cwo

    Praying for you and your family brother.

  17. Nancy

    I’m so sorry. I am praying for you and your family. Your faith and honesty is a light in this incredibly dark moment.

  18. LakeMom

    My daughter was stillborn, but the deep love that her short life ignited in the hearts of her siblings and parents is profound and of God. In the days to come you may find that Boone has left an indelible mark of gentleness upon you heart. A gentle and much deeper love for your other children and towards others that only comes with a loss like yours. Meanwhile, I will keep you and your family forever in my prayers, for Boone will be forever in your hearts. Your faith is beautiful and your pain is held in Christ’s Hands. So glad you got to hold your precious little boy. Heartbroken that you cannot hold him longer.

    1. Thank you for that, and thank you for sharing your story.

  19. Eve Shvidler

    Amazing perspective and story. You have experienced a unique and complicated situation in your life and that of your family. Truly appreciate your courage and grace throughout the process. Bless you, your family and Boone.

    1. thanks for sharing your story, too. There is just nothing easy about it.